Some days I look forward to finishing my Visa here and moving on to adult things. Like a real job that doesn’t include memorizing beers on tap or having to wear a short skirt and a fake smile to pay the bills, buying my own groceries so I can eat the food I really enjoy eating, having my own life instead of living in the shadows of another family, and being able to do all my night owl chores I like to do without having to worry about waking sleeping girls.
But today I am dreaming of travelling. I am dreaming of days with no makeup and fresh fruit, spontaneous dance parties with strangers, days filled with art and amazing views. I want to kiss charming men in the moonlight, I want to lay in the sun, and I want to not know what each day will bring.
As Kari points out, this has been my life since graduation. Thank goodness for a friend that brings you back to reality. I realize this, and that I am a brat for wanting more. But I do. I want more. I want a life of this, not just a couple years before I commit myself to real adulthood. This fake parenting has been plenty for me so far.
I went out on a little date a couple weeks ago. A traveller with a glowing presence about him that was oh so attractive. He asked me about my life as an au pair. I answered with honesty and yes, it was a touch negative as I am in the thick of two weeks with them day and night and I have spent four weeks straight with them in the country with no weekend breaks because of lack of ID. I had a bit to vent. His response was, “just leave if you are unhappy”. Simple as that. Yes I have thought of that on several occasions, but I have also weighed my options and the desire to have money left to travel Europe before I head back to Canada is more appealing than spending all that money on rent in London. And while I am not always the happiest here, I am most definitely learning a lot. It’s just what I am learning is not necessarily fun self-discovery stuff, but is rather grown-up knowledge that I will use later in life. That, and I have gained the utmost appreciation for my glowing mother and all the amazing things she did for us. WIth FOUR of us. Two is hard enough. So while some days I would love to take the advice of the glowing hippy who lives by the seat of his pants (trousers), my time here is not being wasted.
Next week when I get back my customary nap time mid afternoon while the girls are at school, I will use it to research my dreamy travelling lifestyle. Find a way that I can make this my life instead of just a temporary few years of bliss.